Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
