Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
its not stalking. its research.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
