Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
