five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
