As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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