the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
