I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
