Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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