can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
