I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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