the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
