ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
