There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I understand Curling. That high.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
