woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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