He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
