You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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