Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm at about main and main street
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
