My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
