i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
