Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
