whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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