Christians are straight up FREAKS
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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