Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
