Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
