I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
