the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
