I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This baby is an asshole
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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