well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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