the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
