nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
