You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
