please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
