I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
