i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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