remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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