Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
