She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
