Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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