I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
