I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
