im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
