I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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