I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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