Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
