My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
