Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
