there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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