I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
