I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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