OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
