I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
