Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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