I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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