i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
