I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you never un-have a 4some
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
